In my Clairvoyant training, we were taught about Core pictures. These are the energies ‘behind the scenes’ that create the problematic scenarios that repeatedly come up throughout our lives. They are the patterns held within the deepest levels of our wounding and our pain; the places in ourselves that we can’t seem to get a handle on. And while we may be well aware of them, we find it challenging to transform them once and for all…
I’ve noticed a tendency for people to focus on ‘waking up in a flash’, or talking about an ‘instant activation’ where all of their past pains and problems simply dissolve and a new level of skills and consciousness appeared. And while that sounds wonderful, for most of us, the process is slow. The majority of us experience many forward and backward steps as we navigate into new territory, finding our way to balance love and fear.
I’m sharing a writing from a fellow Clairvoyant by the name of Garrett Walters. He writes about his journey in breaking through a core picture; how it had affected his life, and the complete transformation it brought when he succeeded in his healing. Our work now is about Self Mastery, and this is a beautiful example of it!
Each of us has a half a dozen or so of what I think of as core pictures. You might see your core pictures as the body expression of the central themes that you as spirit have set up to explore in this lifetime. Core pictures often get created early in life and get charged with a significant amount of emotional energy. Usually we find ourselves resisting those pictures or circumstances. The problem is that resistance is a powerful creative energy. The more you resist something the more you literally focus your creative energy on the manifestation the very thing that you are resisting. In the case of core pictures, this tends to create repetitions of similar versions of the same kind of initial circumstances that we got stuck in in the first place.
The more layers of circumstance or experience we add to the initial core picture, the more stuck in the energy we tend to become.
It has been my experience that I have often set up dramatic circumstances to help me focus my attention on healing my relationship to a stuck core picture. It was apparent to me that there was more going on in the drama that I was experiencing than just the physical circumstances of my heart. It appeared to me that there was also a core picture that was very lit up in this process.
So late on Tuesday night after my cardiac ICU nurse finally chased out all of the remaining doctors, having correctly identified that the more attention I experienced from the doctors the more likely it was that I would go into V Tach, I started to meditate. I spent several hours working my energy, peeling back layer after layer of old stuck emotion. I find there’s nothing like the anticipation of dying to motivate me to run my energy.
One of the repeating themes that I had noticed all through this process was the idea that there was something fundamentally wrong with me, that I was an unworthy or bad person. Perhaps most simply that I was a screw up and that I had repeatedly screwed up my life. That somehow, my being in the hospital was the result of some kind of shortcoming on my part and that I deserved this experience for some unnamed reason.
It turns out that this was particularly ironic as the cause of my problem was a congential heart defect that had also killed my father. It was not a lifestyle consequence nor something that I could directly control.
This fear was the consequence of a picture that I had initially identified 36 years ago when I was in the clairvoyant program. I set out at that point to work my way down to the bottom of a big pile of heart chakra pain but I had no idea that it would take as long as it did to get to the bottom. As my friend Steve Robinson used to say “Great big pile of crap, little tiny spoon.”.
My parents, as long as I can remember, had taught me that there was something fundamentally wrong with me. My parents are not evil people and they weren’t trying to be cruel to me. But from their perspective, there was something that was very wrong with me and that needed to be corrected if I was going to be successful. I simply didn’t value the same kinds of things that they valued. My parents wanted me to become a successful competitor in order to demonstrate that I was better than other people and to become worthy of respect and admiration. That simply made no sense to me. And I’m not good at doing things that don’t make sense to me.
In the months before he died, when he was suffering from prostate cancer, my dad and I had had an experience in the hospital where he was in a tremendous amount of pain. I suggested to him that I was in fact a healer and that perhaps I could help. With no sense of irony he told me that he was in so much pain he was prepared to try anything, even me. It was midnight and I gave him a healing. He promptly fell asleep and slept for 4 hours. He woke up with a start and said to me “Weren’t you going to give me some kind of damn healing?”. I told him that I had done exactly that and that he’d been asleep for 4 hours, at which point is energy change dramatically and he asked if we could do it again. I gave him another healing and he slept for another 3 hours. When he woke up I had been transformed in his mind from the kid who could do nothing right to God’s gift to the planet. He delighted in telling the doctors that they hadn’t been able to do a damn thing for him but his crazy ass son gave him some kind of damn healing and he now felt better than he had from anything that they had done. Like me he did have a naturally contrary streak.
This led to an experience in the months before he died of our working together on a healing level everyday. On the day before he died he told me that he wanted me to understand that he had spent my entire life trying to stop me from doing what I wanted to do. He wanted me to tell me that he wasn’t just being an asshole, that he really thought I was out of my mind. But he wanted me to know before he died that he was so grateful that I hadn’t listened to him and that I had pursued my own path instead. This was a validation I never expected to hear in my life and it effected me profoundly.
But the damage had already been done and even though I knew intellectually that I wasn’t screwed up, emotionally and energetically those seeds had been planted deep in my experience and they continued to affect me at a very powerful level.
My parents had taught me from the point of conception that there was something wrong with me because in their heart of hearts they believed the same thing of themselves. They were both very successful people but they had also been taught that because there was something very wrong with them that they needed to demonstrate to the world in some fashion that they were good enough.
I tend to think of this as original sin. I can’t fault them for what they taught me because they were teaching me from their own actual experience and the beliefs that stemmed from it, even though as I see it they were stuck in what I would call a lie. As I was working in the hospital in meditation, I found what I have to assume is the core piece of this belief or picture in my space. I recognized it as a lie and I de-energized the picture and released it. Once I finally found it, it took less than a minute to clear. As I did that, within literally seconds, my heart rate dropped from roughly 200 beats a minute to 85. I did not have another episode of V tach for another 5 hours after having had one roughly every five minutes for the preceding 24 hours. Unfortunately at that point I got cocky and thought I had my whole healing finished and that I could be done now, which turned out not to be true. I put some Krishna Das on the stereo and started to both crank the tunes and my energy. I immediately kicked off another experience of V-Tach. But something fundamental had changed. As long as I can remember I have experienced a very deep emotional pain in my heart chakra. I remember asking in the clairvoyant program if I could have my heart chakra removed as I clearly didn’t see much value in it. My teachers, of course, just laughed at me. In the moment when I blew that one picture the pain went away and I have not experienced it again since. I have been consciously working on clearing that single core piece of pain for 36 years and now its gone.
It’s important, I think, to acknowledge that by no stretch of the imagination do all pain pictures require 36 years to clear. In fact I cleared layer after layer of significant related pain pictures along the way. But I would like to suggest that when you’re working on a big chunk of pain that has very deep roots, it may take you more time than you would like to work your way down to the core component of it all. But I’m here to tell you that when you do, letting go of that core piece of energy creates a quality of delight that is literally amazing to experience. I can say with complete certainty that even though I have learned an awful lot more than just that in this process, it was worth going through the whole week in the hospital to clear that single piece of energy.
Copyright 2016 by Garrett Walters.